Are you talking Chinese ??

I spend a lot of my time these days listening.

Its a skill I feel I am on rung no 1- 3  of on the infinity ladder. I say between 1 and 3 because if I’m tired worried then my levels of listening are impaired. As a counsellor its my job to listen but I find  it ever more important in just dealing  with everyday encounters and also in deeper communications with my loved ones. Now it may seem obvious to you but I think I’m only really beginning to appreciate how DIFFERENT we all are …..and how differently we see and experience the world around us. I have begun to realise that sometimes I’m talking about something which seems painfully obvious to me but to others its like i’ve started to speak Chineese. I’ve also realised that most people won’t hold up their hands and say..hang on a minute you are speaking a funny language and I have NO IDEA what you are now saying.

Instead they pretend and nod and so………… I carry on thinking they have heard me .

However when I’m really listening and not just concerned with my own view , my own speech and feeling there will be a felt sense inside me that the person I’m talking to has energetically moved away. When I feel this, I now have learned to become very quiet inside and to really ask what they are experiencing.  If I’m able for just a while to put my own agenda aside I may hear something completely new in the space. In close relationships this takes courage and some level of power. It takes power to stop and allow the button that might have been pressed to smart and hurt while you listen and try to step into their shoes… can HURT….

But, if you can do it  sometimes incredible stuff can happen. The other might begin to speak to you in ways they have never done before. I experienced this recently with a close family member. Just by me allowing a quiet space and by consciously opening my heart to the other and allowing them to be /feel/say whatever  they wanted to …they opened in a way that was so touching it was worth diamonds. So thought id share it with you in case you want to give it a try…come on up the ladder ..the view is lovely from Rung 3……wonder what its like up there on rung 100….or 500……must be so cool. xxx


  • Leanne Posted 6th April 2017 5:17 pm

    We were out with friends recently and talking about garden moles! One of our friends asked what a garden mole was so of course we immediately pulled up some pictures on the internet. One of the group said, “I can’t believe you don’t know what a mole is!” Our friend, who is from Spain and grew up on the sea front in Malaga replied, “Why would I, I don’t think they live on the beach?”. A lovely little reminder that we all bring our own unique frame of reference and our own life experience to things! Wonderful!

    • Lucinda Drayton Posted 8th April 2017 12:08 pm

      ha ha yes ….we all see the world so differently
      do love a mole though

      x lucinda

  • xxx Posted 10th April 2017 7:51 pm

    Good artіcle. I am fɑcing many of these issues aѕ աell..

    • Lucinda Drayton Posted 26th April 2017 1:32 pm

      Thank you….facing them is brave and responding takes alot of courage and practice ..but we will get there together eh xx

  • Alison Temple Posted 13th April 2017 10:57 am

    Your words resonate with me Lucinda and I can see so much potential in being able to stay still and feel the vibration of someone else’s energy and have the capacity to respond but boy is it such s very difficult and challenging thing to do. Wanting to make your judgements and opinions known is like holding back a great big powerful dog on a leash. I will try so hard to control that urge to jump in, because , as you say we could learn more about ourselves by stopping to hear. I should know I’ve been on the end of being listened to but not heard and it’s so frustrating it makes you angry. I suppose it causes more problems. Thank you for your wonderful insight

    • Lucinda Drayton Posted 14th April 2017 1:51 pm

      Hi Alison
      thank you for your comments. Its a tough one yes..nothing worth having is easily come by. All we can do is keep practising, forgiving ourselves when we get it wrong and starting again. Compassion always wins in the end xxx good luck keep going

    • Lucinda Drayton Posted 26th April 2017 1:31 pm

      HI Alison. yes its a very hard thing to do which is why freedom is so delicious when its found…freedom from our own attachments to stuff. Im finding the only way is have infinite patience and compassion as we get it wrong and start again. I wish you courage and patience xxx with love Lucinda

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