I have experienced so much learning over the last few months its hard to now where to start. As a student of The Reach Approach I am constantly challenged to take responsibility for how I show up in the world and as a spiritual traveller. I endeavour to meet my karma as it reveals itself to me as well as I possibly can.
These two challenges have lately taken all my courage all my self respect and every tool I’ve ever learned. One of the big epiphanies Ive had recently is the need …yes the need to live with ambiguity and ambivalence. As a Raj Yoga student I have practised for years the meditation on I am a peaceful eternal soul, not a physical but a spiritual entity who is powerful pure and connected to the source. It is indeed a beautiful soothing empowering and potentially enlightening practice. Yet when faced with a couple of real life challenges recently I was nowhere! I was instead scared, vulnerable, confused, needy and at times angry.
Enter the real practice of living with ambivalence. I could see where I needed to be…oh yes, I could see that all I needed to do was LET GO to TRUST, to see the bigger picture, to understand I was indeed on an eternal journey and these lessons came to make me grow and not to hurt me. I needed to practice forgiveness of myself and others and to see that each one was my brother. I needed to be in flow and in gratefulness.<br><br> Yes every workshop I’d ever been to said this, Id bought the books and attended the lectures. Yet here I was, not sleeping, some nights….having stress attacks, on some days and when I was not in an aware state, pushing and forcing and trying to control in an effort not to have to feel the fear and discomfort….sound familiar? Oh yes I ate addictively too…for the first time in years, that was a shock to me , thought i’d got over that one! LOL.
The key for me was to stop trying to change anything, but to be there right in my ambivalent ambiguous state. Yes conceptually I got where I should have been , BUT I recognised and admitted …I’m not there yet. Right now I’m scared and I’m struggling and guess what that is ok and I totally forgive my beautiful self.
This level of truth takes energy, it takes stillness, it takes courage and it takes real compassion for the self. I cannot control the world or anyone in it. I cannot make myself become a master overnight and get what it has taken the masters lifetimes to get. BUT I can start to be kind to myself where I am. I can try to be where I am each day, each moment and in the total acceptance of where I am and …guess what? the possibility of change occurs because I’m no longer in my blind patterns…i’m no longer following my introjected parental script. For a moment I am stepping out of the maze and in my allowing openness there is a moment of potential for a new way.
Maybe that way will be …I am a peaceful eternal being and I am indeed held. I can let go and trust.<br><br>or maybe I will cry scream, control and hold on wherever I am today thats where I am and I am kind to myself there. Its a start eh? This may sound obvious but try it when the proverbial hits the fan next in your life! Its being able to be the calm in the storm! xxx see living with ambivalence www.thereachapproach.co.uk link for pdf. http://www.thereachapproach.co.uk/resources/Living%20With%20Ambivalence.pdf.
I have experienced so much learning over the last few months its hard to now where to start. As a student of The Reach Approach I am constantly challenged to take responsibility for how I show up in the world and as a spiritual traveller I endeavour to meet my karma as it reveals itself to me as well as I possibly can. These two challenges have lately taken all my courage all my self respect and every tool I’ve ever learned. One of the big epiphanies I’ve had recently is the need …yes the need to live with ambiguity and ambivalence. As a Raj Yoga student I have practised for years the meditation on I am a peaceful eternal soul, not a physical but a spiritual entity who is powerful pure and connected to the source. It is indeed a beautiful soothing empowering and potentially enlightening practice. Yet when faced with a couple of real life challenges recently I was nowhere! I was instead scared, vulnerable, confused, needy and at times angry. Enter the real practice of living with ambivalence. I could see where I needed to be…oh yes, I could see that all I needed to do was LET GO to TRUST, to see the bigger picture, to understand.
I was indeed on an eternal journey and these lessons came to make me grow and not to hurt me. I needed to practice forgiveness of myself and others and to see that each one was my brother. I needed to be in flow and in gratefulness. Yes every workshop I’d ever been to said this, I’d bought the books and attended the lectures. Yet here I was, not sleeping, some nights….having stress attacks, on some days and when I was not in an aware state, pushing and forcing and trying to control in an effort not to have to feel the fear and discomfort….sound familiar? Oh yes I ate addictively too …for the first time in years, that was a shock to me, thought id got over that one! LOL The key for me was to stop trying to change anything, but to be there right in my ambivalent ambiguous state. Yes conceptually I got where I should have been , BUT i recognised and admitted …I’m not there yet. Right now Im scared and Im struggling and guess what that is ok and I totally forgive my beautiful self. This level of truth takes energy, it takes stillness, it takes courage and it takes real compassion for the self. I cannot control the world or anyone in it. I cannot make myself become a master overnight and get what it has taken the masters lifetimes to get. BUT I can start to be kind to myself where I am . I can try to be where I am each day, each moment and in the total acceptance of where I am and …guess what? the possibility of change occurs because I’m no longer in my blind patterns…im no longer following my introjected parental script.
For a moment I am stepping out of the maze and in my allowing openness there is a moment of potential for a new way. maybe that way will be …i am a peaceful eternal being and I am indeed held. I can let go and trust. or maybe I will cry scream, control and hold on wherever i am today thats where I am and I am kind to myself there. Its a start eh? This may sound obvious but try it when the proverbial hits the fan next in your life! Its being able to be the calm in the storm! xxx see living with ambivalence www.thereachapproach.co.uk link for pdf http://www.thereachapproach.co.uk/resources/Living%20With%20Ambivalence.pdf
I have experienced so much learning over the last few months its hard to now where to start. As a student of The Reach Approach I am constantly challenged to take responsibility for how I show up in the world and as a spiritual traveller I endeavour to meet my karma as it reveals itself to me as well as I possibly can. These two challenges have lately taken all my courage all my self respect and every tool I’ve ever learned. One of the big epiphanies Ive had recently is the need …yes the need to live with ambiguity and ambivalence. As a Raj Yoga student I have practised for years the meditation on I am a peaceful eternal soul, not a physical but a spiritual entity who is powerful pure and connected to the source. It is indeed a beautiful soothing empowering and potentially enlightening practice. Yet when faced with a couple of real life challenges recently I was nowhere! I was instead scared, vulnerable , confused, needy and at times angry. Enter the real practice of living with ambivalence. I could see where I needed to be…oh yes, I could see that all I needed to do was LET GO to TRUST, to see the bigger picture, to understand I was indeed on an eternal journey and these lessons came to make me grow and not to hurt me. I needed to practice forgiveness of myself and others and to see that each one was my brother. I needed to be in flow and in gratefulness. Yes every workshop I’d ever been to said this, Id bought the books and attended the lectures. Yet here I was , not sleeping, some nights….having stress attacks, on some days and when I was not in an aware state , pushing and forcing and trying to control in an effort not to have to feel the fear and discomfort….sound familiar? Oh yes I ate addictively too …for the first time in years, that was a shock to me , thought id got over that one! LOL The key for me was to stop trying to change anything, but to be there right in my ambivalent ambiguous state. Yes conceptually I got where I should have been , BUT i recognised and admitted …I’m not there yet. Right now Im scared and Im struggling and guess what that is ok and I totally forgive my beautiful self. This level of truth takes energy, it takes stillness, it takes courage and it takes real compassion for the self. I cannot control the world or anyone in it. I cannot make myself become a master overnight and get what it has taken the masters lifetimes to get. BUT I can start to be kind to myself where I am . I can try to be where I am each day, each moment and in the total acceptance of where I am and …guess what? the possibility of change occurs because I’m no longer in my blind patterns…I’m no longer following my introjected parental script. for a moment I am stepping out of the maze and in my allowing openness there is a moment of potential for a new way. maybe that way will be …I am a peaceful eternal being and I am indeed held. I can let go and trust, or maybe I will cry scream, control and hold on wherever i am today thats where I am and I am kind to myself there. Its a start eh? This may sound obvious but try it when the proverbial hits the fan next in your life! Its being able to be the calm in the storm! xxx see living with ambivalence http://www.thereachapproach.co.uk/resources/Living%20With%20Ambivalence.pdf
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